Employee performance evaluations

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation - just remember it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from *government* employee performance evaluations.
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
13. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
14. "He's been working with glue too much."
15. "He would argue with a signpost."
16. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
17. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
18. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
19. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
20. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
21. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
22. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
23. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
24. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
25. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
26. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
27. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
28. "One neuron short of a synapse."
29. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
30. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."
31. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

What recession does to you

Yep you're amazing

Great Joke!!!

A young woman in Cape Town was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young deck-hand saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, look, you've got a lot to live for. We're off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on this ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day. "Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy, OK?" The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Maybe a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.

From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe , and he's screwing me." "He sure is, lady, he sure is!" the captain said. "This is the Ferry making daily trips between Robben Island and the Waterfront

Specsavers Barclaycard spoof - funny

What happens when Blonds start fishing

Brilliant

Football riots in the UK

Mom takes the kids for a spin - Yeeeha

See more funny videos and Cute Animals Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Campaign magazine votes this as the funniest ad of all time

Old but really funny

Funny prank video

See more funny videos and TBT Videos at Today's Big Thing.